Entry 64: I am Bill

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

I met Mr. House in his penthouse, a thing I had not done in a long while. It felt weird, like the first time, to saw him on that giant screen. He didn't seem to notice me being gone though. I mean, he did make a pause after he saw me, which I took it as a pause of suprise, but whether it was for me being back or for the symbol I now carry, I don't know. Oh well, doesn't matter. After everything we're going to accomplish, nothing matters.

He told me that everything was in place and that I was right on time. He knew the battle was starting any time now. He wanted me to install an override module in the control room of the Hoover Dam. That would give Mr. House control of all the Dam's power output. That would allow him to wake up the army that I upgraded at The Fort and mobilize it to the Dam to back me up. He also gave me NCR terms of surrender. I got a little disappointed that I wouldn't get to kill them all, but I understood that it had to be made official. It showed a deal that said that as long as the military personnel stayed out of New Vegas and surrounding territories they would not get killed, for one and also Mr. House would still supply them with electricity and water - at a high cost.

This was it. The point of no return.

I passed by the suite to say tell ED-E, Veronica, Lily and Rex that I'd be going to the Battle, that they didn't need to come. ED-E was the only one that insisted, so I accepted.

I made my way through the Mojave with ED-E, walking to the big battle. The end of it all.

I arrived there and the battle was already in place. NCR Rangers had their backs turned on me while the Legion attacked them head on. From behind, next to me, showed up the Khans, charging to their last battle, none of them with hopes of survival. While the NCR was distracted by them I pulled out DInner Bell and started shooting them all up. NCR and Legion alike. Then I got to the top of a tower and started sniping whoever I could find.

I got back down and a fuck ton of Legionaries started coming at me. Dinner Bell and Oh Baby, along with ED-E, of course, saved my ass, ripping apart asshole after asshole - not all of them litterally.

I got into a tower and down the elevator to the offices I went. There I found the control room, guarded by two NCR troopers in Brotherhood army. I hope they enjoyed that heavy metal being smashed into their skulls by my high tech sledge hammer.

In the control room I installed the override module as Mr. House wanted. Then he congratulated me and told me that now I had to go to the power plant and activate the switch manually.

When I got back outside, after turning on the switch, some Securitron were already on site killing the Legion. That was a disaster, because then the Enclave Remnants arrived in their Vertibird and started attacking the robots. Of course, I had to help the army I was with. I spared Doctor Henry, because he was pratically just the medic and he got the message. I don't think he likes me anymore though.

I loved watching the Fort burn in flames, because of the power outburst I had given to awaken the Securitron army.

From time to time I could hear the Boomer airplane, the one I took off the Lake, dropping off a bomb here and there.

Then I finally got to Legate Lanius' Camp. The place where I would end it all, because once there was no Bull, I would give the Bear their terms of surrender and the battle would be over.

I killed all of his praetorian guards and then got to him. He was a beast. No wonder people called him the Monster of the East.

Once I pulled out Old Glory he started talking with me. He told me that if I carried myself to battle, then I coould not trully be of New Vegas, which, in his eyes was a city of cowards. I told him he did not have any chance of taking the Dam. He told me many have said the same, not backing it with strength. But I told him that, in that case, I'd kill him and get it over with. I think he liked the challenge.

The Bull versus the Old World ghost and New World barer.

We clashed Blade of the East against Old World Glory, two glories that would soon be over. He was strong, just not strong enough. I got him between me and a cliff, so when he had to look back to see if he was going to fall off I tripped him and trapped him by his neck against Old Glory's golden eagle, at the top of the staff. He told me I fought well and then I smashed his throat, killing him and destroyed Old Glory in the process. How poetic, eh?

After that I had to find General Oliver, to present him the terms of surrender. Luckily enough, he found me. He and his six fucking bodyguards. He congratulated me for killing Lanius and the fucking bastard thought I took the Dam for him.

So as you can imagine Bull vs Bill? Fucking awesome, breath taking fight, the best I've ever had - maybe tied with Ulysses'. Bear vs Bill? Trade of words, attempts of buying me and threats. I fucking hate these bastards.

I immediatly told him that Mr. House sent his regards and that he was expanding. When he was saying that Mr. House was just a rumour the entire army of Securitrons showed up behing him, it was kind of epic. He nearly crapped himself. He asked me what the fuck was that about and what did I want. I told him that I had his terms of surrender. The son of a bitch actually said he took the Dam and that, because of that, he wasn't going to take it up the ass. I told him, almost impatient, that I was the one who took the Dam, with Mr. House's backing. He kept saying that he wouldn't surrender and I told him that the alternative was worse and useless, much like the whole NCR itself. He told me he would not go empty handed after holding the Dam for so long. I could have told him that the power would be shared, but fuck that, he could have read the contract! I told him he could either leave or fight. The bastard and his bodyguards pulled their guns on me. With an entire army of Securitron behind them. Of course, they didn't last long.

Mr. House talked to me via a Securitron. He told me I had surpassed his espectations - and I know that is a hard thing to do. Told me not to worry about Oliver's death, worst case scenario Vegas would see a decreased profit for a few months, half a year, tops. After that, it would be the jewel shining in the desert. He told me this was just the beginning of many good things to come - and I was part of it.

Vegas will be my new home, because, as Ulysses said, home is where you make changes - and hell did I change New Vegas.

I will, for as long as I can, make sure Mr. House stays on the right path, although I know he will.

I finally told Veronica what I did. She left without saying a word and I don't think I'll ever see her again.

I won't write anymore. I'll wander, find new roads to travel, stopping by Vegas everytime I can and knowing I will be well-received by my genius mentor, Mr. House, who will ensure the future of New Vegas and, further on, possibly when I can no longer see it happening, of the entire world.

I am Bill. I carried the Old World one last time on my back, as a sign of new things to come.

A New World.

New roads for me to travel.

I love you, mommy, daddy. I guess I'll see you in my final road, the lone road to the afterlife. I hope.
Bill

Entry 63: The Old World ghosts will create the New World

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

So from Primm I went South to the Mojave Outpost, which would give me passage to the Long 15, to begin my journey of unobtainable redemption. But as I said in the previous letter, whatever happens happens.

Passing through the Mojave Outpost was weirdly easy, as the NCR should all be up against my throat after I killed some of them at the El Durado Power Station and after nuking them... But hey, what the hell.

Going into the Long 15 I took off the duster Ulysses gave me and put on Randall's armor. I also put on its helmet for the first time since I got it. The helmet said "FORGIVE ME MAMA". Kind of appropriate, since I know how you must feel after your son launching nuclear missiles. So... Forgive me, mama, papa.

I got there and the place was like the hole in the Divide: a freaking irradiated mess. Fortunatly no deathclaws.  The crater was huge though, much bigger than the other one. Lots of feral ghoul toopers to go around though. One of them even seemed special. He had unique armor, a beret, star on his chest. His dog tag identified him as Colonel Royez. He couldn't stop me though. I survived the Long 15, the mess I had created, just like I survived the Divide.

After I got back from the Long 15 it was time to go East, to the Dry Wells, via Cottonwood Cove. I didn't know why but the whole Mojave felt empty. Like I was being avoided or something. Maybe this is just paranoia. Or even psychological effect of walking the lonesome road I did in the Divide. But probably the rational explanation is that both big occupants of the Mojave - the Bull and the Bear - are in mourning right now.

I arrived to Cottonwood Cove and the place was deserted, just like I left it. I grabbed one of the Pre-War boats and roamed to the Dry Wells, which was the place where Ulysses' old tribe, the Twisted Hairs, had their main camp. You could clearly see Legion's influence right at the entrance, with three crosses with scorched skeletons lashed in them.

As in everything, even before they were feral irradiated ghouls, the Legionaries were much more straightforward than the NCR feral troopers. Much more of a challenge. But in the end? No, History doesn't want me to die yet.

I fought their leader, a Centurion identified as Gaius Magnus, in a very good fight. I can only think about how much better it would be if he had his full mental capabilities. Oh well, guess that will have to do.

Long way back to the Lucky 38. Again, felt like I was alone in the Mojave. Maybe its a punishment from some superior force or something, for doing what I did.

Anyway, I'm back at the Lucky 38. Even Veronica and Lily didn't hug me like they used to when I'm long gone. It was awkward, even. Even with Rex. ED-E, though, I loved the little robo-dude. And he was happy to see me, too. I think both ED-Es, the copy and the original - this one - exchanged signals and messages, so he was the only one who knew what went on.

I think the Divide changed me. Ulysses, the nuclear missiles, the craters I visited seeking redemption... That must have given me some kind of aura, a very dark one. People know not mess with me from the distance now. And they're right. I know full-well my purpose now. I am NOT to be fucked with anymore.

I am Bill and I carry the ghosts of the Old World on my back, ghosts that will be erased and corrected by me and Mr. House, in order to create a better world.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 62: Unreachable Redemption

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

So where was I? Right, only one of the greatest decisions of my life.

In the end? I may now have a special spot in Hell reserved for me, but thinking back on what I've done it's the right thing. Maybe I did it out of hate. Most likely I did so. But still, the intelligent part of me always knew it was the right thing to do.

Nuke both the Legion and the NCR.

Of course, the Legion party wasn't much for hate as it was for a twisted sense of justice or even because of the competition it meant, but the NCR? Yes, hate. The intelligent part of it was yes, I may have doomed and killed lots of people's lives. Innocent people, even. On both sides. But by doing so and weakening both the NCR and the Legion I am making sure that they do not have good chances for their future, hence, not making people suffer further. For example, if I didn't launch the missiles at the Legion those people wouldn't have died, sure, but they'd suffer at the hands of the tyrant and also many more people after Hoover Dam would die as Caesar would attempt to conquer the West. Another example, if I didn't launch the missiles at the NCR, sure, those good citizens of them that play a hell of a lot of taxes to those greedy, corrupt bastards would still be alive to do so, but, by doing this, I am reassuring the future of many children that will not have to be evicted with their parents and then be abandoned, not by choice, but because there no supplies for everyone, so the child is left alone, with barely enough supplies to survive a week. Oh look at me, I got carried away. Fuckers.

So yeah, I nuked the Legion and the NCR.

I... Created an apocalipse.

And even though I just rationaly explained it, an apocalipse certainly isn't what the world needs. Not again. Not ever again.

The place started blowing up from the launch of the warheads, but I still needed to do something. I tore down the Old World flag that hung once behind Ulysses and placed it over his body. Out of respect. He did fought for his ideals. Mixed hate and motif. Just like I did with the nuclear missiles. I understood him.

I got out just in time to see two giant mushroom clouds in the West and the East. Jesus Christ. I threw up then, the thought of killing so many people at once... Oh God.

I wanted to leave the Divide, but on my way there I saw a path I hadn't seen before. Then I remembered: the nuclear missile I first launched! This was the path that led to it. So I walked it. The ground zero of a nuclear hit.

One word rulled the place:

MOTHERFUCKINGDEATHCLAWS.

They were every-fucking-where. Seriously. I had never seen so many together in my life. And, as you know, I've been to places. That road that connects Primm to Vegas. The Quarry Junction. The Dead Wind Cavern. The Promontory. But no... This... This was something else... The Divide was one of the most ruthless places I'd ever come across. Maybe The Divide itself was trying to get his revenge on me, not only Ulysses.

But I endure. I killed all of them. Not only them, all the heavily armed Marked Men that were there with them.

I am meant for something.

Ulysses thought he was meant to bring the Old World back. Me? I'm meant to help Mr. House correct the Old World's mistakes.

While going back to the Mojave I heard from travellers that the Long 15 - NCR territory - and the Dry Wells - Legion's territory - were hit. If they were anything like the hole I made in the Divide, filled with deathclaws trying to rip me apart, I'll have to visit them. It's my way to redeem myself for launching the nukes. I'll have to give them a chance to get back at me. Doesn't mean I'll go easy though. I won't, ever.

When I arrived at the Mojave there was a footlocker that said "Courier Six". It was from Ulysses. It had a duster with a note, for me. The duster was like his, baring the Old World flag on the back, because of what he thought of Mr. House's plans. Old World ghosts. But I'll bare it alright. I'll bare it as a sign of what once was right and wrong at the same time. As a sign of the righteousness that kept the Old World a functioning place and as a sign of the wrongness that made it go into War.

It had another note, too. Ulysses' final message. He told me that War never changes. Men do. And so do their symbols, the reason why they do what they do. So I chose to bare Mr. House's symbol and he told me that, whatever the symbol I wore, to wear it proudly at Hoover Dam, for it will change the fate of the world.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 61: Whose Glory Wins

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

There I was alone at The Divide, where everything hated me but ED-E. But he was taken from me by Ulysses. Right off the bat I met two deathclaws who wanted to rip me apart. Jesus.

Oh and that was not it. Oh, God no. There must be something about me that attracts freaking huge and special deathclaws. It looked like the legendary one, only lighter. It was almost white. I could see it from looking at him, he'd kill me in one hit. Thank God I got agile and was able to knock him to the ground and pound him to the death there. God damn. I even cut of his hand, as a reminder. Of the Divide. Of my continuous struggle against deathclaws. I dunno.

Then, when trying to find my way to where Ulysses wanted me to go (which is very, very hard, given the tons of ruined buildings laying around) I heard a battle cry and then was cut by a sword. I got in pretty rough shape and I didn't even know what had hit me. Then I saw the reflections of someone under a stealth boy, got back on my feet and killed him. It was a marked man, one of those with the Lanius masks. God...

I slept in one of the camps that were in the place. There were many of them, from before the explosions of the Divide or also those that belonged to the marked men, which were kind of disgusting to sleep in.

In the morning I finally arrived to the door that would lead me to his home. His temple.

The door led to the storage and maintenance area, where I immediatly found a marked man impaled. I pressed on, fighting against the security systems, mostly sentrybots, until I got to a room with three pods in it and, in one of them, was ED-E (or the copy of ED-E... You know, the one I've been with since I got here!). I was glad he was fine, unharmed. I told him that whatever Ulysses wanted, he needed ED-E's presence. So we wouldn't disappoint. We'd show up alright, but to put an end to all this.

Then we found an elevator. Of course, we rode it without looking back. It was the only way possible, which I was almost certain that led up, to a place where he could watch over his precious Divide.

There he was. Back turned on me. I could see America's flag on his back and also hanging in front of him, the flag itself. I approached him and he turned around. We finally faced one another. He wore a breathing mask and his eyes...

Oh, by God his eyes. Dead as Death's eyes themselves.

I was never so afraid in my entire life. I took a deep breath and smiled, out of the adrenaline. I hoped he faced it as a challenge. He talked about New Vegas and how it was poisoning, about how he'd get his revenge by burning my home (because we came from the West, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't want the NCR to burn) and how I couldn't do things alone, I had to save ED-E before facing him. Keeping the smile I told him that the Mojave had tried many times but couldn't kill me and the Divide had thrown everything at me and also didn't stop me. So he didn't have much of a chance. I think he did saw it as a challenge, in a way. He said we'd end it, right then.

We had a good fight. He shot me a bunch of times but Randall's armor protected me. As he saw me running towards him with Oh Baby prepared he pulled off his Old World Staff and we fought and fought, as time ran out for the missiles to take off. Then marked men started coming, in large groups. He was distracted by it; I wasn't. I broke his leg, putting him on his knees before me, while Marked Men ran through the temple, shooting up the place. But I was focused on him. On those cold dead eyes. He looked at me and had no expression on his face. He knew what was coming, he did not try to delay. He accepted it. A glorified death. I did what had to be done. Settled everything we had between each other.

When it was time to focuse on those Marked Men, I killed them with Ulysses' staff, which he called, in one of his logs, Old Glory. Killed them all.

Now? Now I have to think. I don't like the NCR. I hate them, hate them all. And the Legion? The Legion is a big threat, even for Mr. House's plans for the future. So yeah while I was writing this I was thinking to myself whether I should or should not stop these nuclear warheads to take off. I'll probably think a little longer too.

Love you.
Bill.

Entry 60: A Name

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

I started going down the building, walking on a leaning high tension tower, broken down besides it. Sounds safe right? Once I got to the inside part of the building there was a flight of staris and graphiti, from Courier to Courier. "Courier Six?", it asked. Meant I was on the right way.

On our way down ED-E played a log on how a kid found him and convinced his dad to stay with him, in Chicago. Damn far. And in the end he... abondoned - though this is a strong word - the kid, because he had to keep on with his mission, given by his creator.

A while fater that I had done fucked up. I expertly tried to use the detonator on one of the nuclear warheads to clear some debris out of my way. By doing so - not only danger close and burning my beard - the shockwave knocked down a freaking ruined building, blocking my way yet again.

I searched the place between the place I detonated the bomb and the collapsed building for a bit. There I found one holotape-- Actually, I already had a bunch of holotapes that I didn't tell you of because I was trying to make sense of them. They belonged to the Courier. They told the story of how he found the Big MT's crater, how he spoke to the Think Tank and got answers on history - the Old World America, the flag he carried on his back -, how they told him the Divide was the place that could wake up the old America. Then he also talked about his times serving Caesar, watching the White Legs as they were trying to be accepted by Caesar. The Courier was like an idol to them, they called him the Flag Bearer, apparently because not only of the symbol on his back, but also because of the staff he carries. They also had braids to honor him, copy him. They wanted to be like him. But apparently the braids, at least for his old tribe, meant something. Every knot had a meaning, something about the bearer. But the White Legs defiled that. They put no meaning in it. Every knot spoke of violence, murder, rapes. And so he felt like it was watching his old tribe reborn as hateful ghosts, bowing to Caesar. And that was his last drop, he never worked with Caesar again. Now even opposes him, or thinks of it, if it is necessary.

I cleared a path to a building that was opened and could get me through. Before we entered ED-E played another log. It was just music playing and, a bit after, a shot being fired and the music stopping, while ED-E's beeping (on the recording) took place over it. I understood he was shot and that his primary stabilizing jets were fried because of that. No wonder he didn't get to Navarro, he was shot on his way!

Then we proceeded. That building lead us to a cave created by the rubble and ruins of fallen buildings. After seeing the first tunneler, in the distance, I knew I was in for trouble. And oh how I was right... Not much time before I was completely surrounded by those twinkly horned motherfuckers. One of them was bigger, stronger and carried eggs, so I assumed it was the queen or mother or some shit. I had to use some of those flashbangs I found, covering my face with my arm, which was pretty risky. But payed off. The tunnelers went ape shit and some started pounding each other, others started running away, giving me time to find my balance and kicking the shit out of those bastards. In the end the floor was full of those light bulbs they have for horns.

Before we exited the cave ED-E played a recording of that show RALPHIE the Robot. The kid who owned Ralphie told him to get home, fly fast. ED-E actually seemed to love the show. And I could see the connection. I told him I'd help him get home. He was so... happy!

But then we exited the building and the Courier started talking to me again. Told me that now that the signal was strong enough he could take the "machine" for him. ED-E. I told him he wasn't going anywhere, but that only made it worst. He saw my attachment to ED-E and told me he'd tear him apart but leave enough pieces together just to keep him aware of what was happening. He told me that ED-E carried in him the detonator for the bombs he wanted to launch at the NCR. Shit. Then he used the password to override ED-E's systems, his name:

Ulysses.

Finally I have a name. But, just like that, ED-E was gone. Now I have a truly Lonesome Road ahead of me.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 59: Truth Hurts

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

Where was I? Yes, just before entering the Silo. The place was going to hell. Explosions shaking me up, tunnelers crawling around... Then I realised I had to ride an elevator that went right through the explosions and flames. Not only that, fucking tunnelers kept falling of the ceileing to eat me up!

Once in the Silo itself I saw how much the launch had fucked it up inside. It was all burned up and the place was hot and some of the metal pieces melting. There was also this fucking alarm buzzer always beeping, Jesus.

The only way we had to proceed was through some tunnel, directly beneath the Missile Silo. The tunnel led to an office building, collapsed all the way there, underground. I fought my way up the building against some tunnelers. When those motherfuckers grouped up they really were deadly...

When I got to the roof the Courier talked to me again. He told me to look at the landscape. The Divide itself. A big crack on the ground. Said it was my doing. My mark on Earth. He said I once delivered a package that bared the markings of the military base, for the NCR. I remember that package, always did. I remember all my works for the NCR, I only did them because I had to make a living. To survive. He told me he followed me from the moment I accpeted that job, knowing it was a detonator he had never seen before. Then, after I left it at the Divide, as ordered, that detonator made most of the nuclear missiles beneath the ground, inside their Silos, go off. He was the sole survivor of the blast. He and the machines, the AI that keeps the security bots online and that created, on its own, a system to replicate ED-E from the distance. So that's what happened to the Divide. Maybe I shouldn't think of it this way, but I did make it happen, in a way. If not for me, the Divide would still be a living, on-going community. If only I didn't deliver that package for the NCR...

I pulled myself together, had to. I told him it wasn't my fault, there was no way I could've known. He told me I carry death wherever I go. I don't know if he meant you and... her... but if he did, then for how long as he been following me? One thing for sure, he meant The Divide. He hated me for delivering that package. I could feel it. It all built up to this. An elaborate plan to get the person he hates the most brought to his feet. He told me that if the Mojave didn't know yet that I only carried death, it would soon. A proof of that was the nuclear warhead I sent to the other side of the Divide, yesterday. But fuck I didn't even know it would launch. Sure I wasn't sad for it, but can you blame me? This place is a hell hole filled with strange-always-spreading-underground creatures, deathclaws and men that don't have skin and should have died a long time ago. Jesus.

He told me my curiosity was the death of everything. My choices, led by that curiosity. The choice to deliver those packages; the detonator, the Platinum Chip and even that nuclear missile, yesterday. And also the choice to answer his... Invitation to the Divide. Curiosity. Told me I'd know then the why of it. But I stopped him and asked him his "why of it". Why was he doing all that. He said he wanted my answer for what had happened to the Divide. I guess "it was an accident" wouldn't cut it, but he told me that ignorance was a choice and that the anger he carried against me was the anger of the dead. Of History. That's why he's obsessed with the Old World flag symbols. He believed the Divide was a mark of Pre-War America. The Old World lived in it and he lives for the Old World. He lived for hope that the Old World would bring something better for America. Not the Bull that he worked for, not the Bear that he so well understood, but the Old World, who had much to teach. And I ended that. I crushed his hope. And he hates me for it.

Even worst, he saw it happen. He survived it. He lives with it every day.

He told me that he learned from me the message he had to carry. Death. The Divide. He knew the Bear was deceased, clinging to life. He knew the Bull was unstable, once that they had much more territories they'd turn on themselves. So the message he knew he had to send was fire. First to the West, giving it the same fate as the Divide. Then, if needed, the East, letting it burn and scar the Earth, too. He wanted to nuke both the NCR and the Legion. I... dwelled on that. Still am dwelling on it.

Then I saw him, as I went down the building. Shit, I had chills all over, overwhelmed by fear. I don't remember ever feeling like this since you died and I was left alone. Not even when facing death in the face, against Benny, tied up in the cemitery. The thought of those unkown eyes, watching me, my movements...

God.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 58: Not getting any closer to the truth

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

Walking the High Road made me see what really went on. I mean, not the cause, but the effect. The Divide was trully a post-apocalyptic. Wrecked ruined building on the horizon, marks of Pre-War history under the orange-hot sun and strong wind. Even the High Road I walked was a mess, wrecked cars and the road it self was ruined and full of holes, making walking it a bit dangerous. Not just that, we were greeted by two Marked Men right away, one of them with one of those masks the Courier talked about, insulting Lanius, their former leader.

I was able to climb up one of those ruined buildings, leading to a sniper's nest. The sniper was an NCR trooper, leaning dead on one of the windows.

After that I continued my path. While exploring the interior of a wrecked RV I nearly soiled my pants. Why? I heard a big thump and a roar, at the same time I felt the RV shake and saw its roof bend to the weigh of something. I hid in a corner, grabbing ED-E and looking around. Imagine my fear when I see giant claws piercing through the RV's roof and tearing it away, revealing a deathclaw who had seen me and wanted to eat me for breakfast. I made a run for the door when I see he was going to attack. Outside, I let go off ED-E and reached for Oh Baby - which may as well be re-baptized as "The Deathclaw Slayer" - ripping its big scary face apart. The noise attracted more of them though. We killed two more who came running towards us and two others which we found ahead.

By then ED-E showed me another recording. Whitney said he had to start disassembling the ED eyebot series, by superior orders. Then he refered a television show that he said ED-E had been watching and asked him how would he like to be just like the star of the show, RALPHIE. I had seen that show's posters all around the Divide, not only recently but also when I came here from time to time, when I started being a Courier. I didn't know what it was about though.

We found a rest shop and decided to explore. There was a snowglobe in it, one of those Vault-Tecs Mr. House collects. Neat. Almost didn't have time to analyze though, as we were attacked by those Tunneler things, three of them. When we were done with them we continued through the High Road.

Finally I reached my destination, Ashton Missile Silo entrance. Outside there was the control pannel to open the Silo doors and launch a nuclear missile. It hit on the other side of the High Road, near where I had been, creating a huge hole in the ground. Maybe I'll explore it, I kind of feel connected to my first nuclear missile crater.

Then ED-E started playing another log. It was about Whitney telling ED-E what he had to do in order not to die there. So he told ED-E to go to Navarro. He actually seemed... Sad. I was sorry for ED-E. It's weird, all that time travelling with him in the Mojave and I have to hear his story from a copy. To console him, I told him Whitney would be proud that he had reached this far.

We're headed to the Silo now.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 57: The mysteries behind the roads I walked...

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

I woke up with a massive roar, didn't know from what, but it echoed throughout the tunnel and scared the crap out of me.

I found a dead NCR trooper nearby my makeshift-one-night-camp. On him he had a note for a mission, saying the tunnel was overrun by "semi-humanoid creatures sensible to light", so the troopers were issued flash bangs. I took what he had, just in case. There were two more NCR troopers dead ahead (in both meanings, see what I did there?). One of them was a Ranger and whatever could take out a Ranger had to be looked out for.

I kept hearing the roars as I advanced through the tunnel. Then I heard some rubble move and I hid, to see what it was. A freaking monster appeared from the ground, black with glowy spikes, claws and eyes. I shot him in the head with the sniper and he died. At first I was happy it was that easy, but then, as I walked a bit more, I heard the rubble again and with it three other of those motherfuckers attacked us. I took only two blows from one of them, but those two blows almost ripped my insides out. Jesus fucking Christ.

After killing more of those bastards I finally reached the exit of the tunnel, with the sign "High Road" on it. As I entered the High Road the Courier spoke with me again, through ED-E. Told me that The Divide had a lesson to be teach. People tend to hold on too much to something. So much it breaks, or falls apart. Then he told me that he could already see the cracks around New Vegas, from Mr. House holding it so much. I told him that, unlike him, I'd rather look to the future instead of the past and that was why I worked with Mr. House. He told me that there was no future in either road I could take from working with Mr. House: crushed and opressed like the Three Families of New Vegas or immortalized as a Securitron. I don't like to think about it that way. I'll do my best to help Mr. House and the mankind, but eventually I'll die off, knowing full well what I did for everyone. But I just told him that Mr. House's plans account for a future much further than what he spoke about. Then I added that Vegas was one of the safest places out there and that was because of Mr. House. That gave me - and not only me - hope.

He said he deduced that someone - referring to Mr. House - had protected Vegas during the Great War. That someone who protected Vegas, in his mind, was selfish enough not to protect the world. I mean, common! Mr. House almost died protecting Vegas! Sure, he told me he "did not care to save the rest of the world" but I saw through his arrogance! He meant that because he would not be able to save it then, so he saved what he could to then rebuild the world. I wanted to tell the Courier too many things at the same time, like how he never even met Mr. House. But, for the sake of the argument, I told him that Mr. House is more pragmatic that what he might think. He actually believed that Mr. House's plan was to, eventually, turn everyone into robots he could command. There I got sick of it. I wanted to meet him. The man who had hunted me, the man who despises Vegas.

I told him that the Mojave was behind us and I wanted to focused on what was ahead. Then he said he was surprise we made it this far, me and ED-E, living through the skinned men and those tunnel creatures. I asked him about them and he said the beasts were called Tunnelers. Told me they were created by the Great War radiation and that it would be a slower death to the Mojave, meaning they were spreading out, via underground tunnels they dug themselves. He compared them to some creatures I knew to exist only East, at Legion territory. He told me he knew that because he did not only walked the Mojave and the Divide. He walked through the East before the Legion came. Like the Bear - NCR - they seized everything. In his opinion, though, the Bull - Legion - did a better job at it. He also called those skinned walking corpses Marked Men. SO now I have a name for them. I told him about the blades and mask I found in some of them and he told him that they used it as an insult to their former Legate, Lanius, the commander of the Legion forces.

He was obsessed with me and The Divide, it being my home. Because of what I did. Something I made by walking the roads in and out of the Divide. He kept saying it, but speaking in riddles. I was close to getting to where he wanted me to go, to know what I "did", in his eyes. But after one more cryptic speech, his transmition ceased. Fuck.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 56: Warhead Fun!

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

So I travelled the stormed lands of The Divide. It was nightime and I didn't really know where to go. I soon had my first run in with those skinned living corpses. They are pretty easy to fight alone, but one of them caught me off guard once I entered a building - seeking for refuge for the night -, hitting me with a thermic lance. That shit hurts! Luckily there was an Auto-Doc in the place which patched me right up.

They may be zombies but they have some serious fucking fire power. No wonder, since they live in a military base! But shit, I knew I was in real trouble when I saw a guy on a roof shooting at me with a RAPID FIRE ROCKET LAUNCHER! Jesus fuck. Eventually I was able to find an angle to shoot him in the head before he blew up the entire building I was hiding in.

I had already found three "awake" nuclear warheads in the place. And there were even more for sure. I was afraid of what that Courier would have me do once I had the detonator he wanted.

I found the laser detonator and a note attached to it. Apparently I needed to use it to blow up some of those warheads I told you about, in order to open new paths. Of course, I got scared... I didn't know how much of an explosion the warheads would cause and the Courier did want me dead, so...

After I picked it up me and ED-E were ganged up by a group of those corpses. They are ruthless in groups, really. They didn't even give me room to move. After I killed all of them it was time to sleep again, at their camp on the roof.

On the morning I tried my best to pray, even though I don't do much of that and tried the detonator, keeping as safe a distance as I could. Fortunatly, the blast was not so big, not even a fifth of what I expected, so I was ok. And from then on, my hobby is to blow up warheads - and survive in the middle of this hellhole.

After blowing up one of those said warheads I uncovered a Corpse base camp and they weren't too happy about it. One of them seemed special somehow, like he was a commander, since he had a helmet and a different armor.

Another bomb detonated, another passage discovered. We went through the collapsed overpass tunnel and then ED-E played one of his logs, which was Whitney complaining about Colonel Autumn's proceedures on ED-E. I took that chance to make camp at one of the turned around trucks while talking to ED-E about what he showed me. And also to write you this.

I don't like this place...

Love you,
Bill

Entry 55: The Divide

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

So I fearfully travelled to The Divide. To walk the Lonesome Road.

Strong, hot winds were there waiting for me, along with an incessible Sun that burned through the storms.

The place was a fucking mess. Even if Mr. House hadn't saved New Vegas from the end of the world, I don't think it would look like The Divide.

The first door I got into was the Hopeville Defense Station, that led to a missile silo. The door was marked by that Old World flag symbol I found all over Big MT. That belonged to him.

Inside I tried to open the Silo doors but the console was locked out and beyond my ability to hack in. Which is rare. So I made way through the Maintenance Level. There I foun a Pod with a robot inside. I unlocked it and an eyebot just like ED-E came out, playing the same music as ED-E did and then a sound file of a kid calling for "Ralphie". I asked him if he was ED-E and what was he doing there and I was able to decypher pretty well what he said in beeping sounds. The Silo had some kind of technology that was able to continuesly scan and then reproduce copies of the original ED-E, the one back in my suite. I asked him if he wanted to come with me and he actually seemed... Happy. If you could say so for a robot. He immediatly played a recording of an experiment his creator made with him, to show me that he could override electronic devices that I couldn't. Only panels with a receiver sort of dish-shaped.

As he had told me, he was to override the Silo Power controls. That way I was able to pull a lever that revealed the actual missile silo, with more ED-E's working on a missile with the Old World Flag on it and also opened a door to the Reactor, that I could use to proceed.

Once we entered the Reactor I found a broken eyebot on the ground. I was able to salvage a module that I could use to upgrade ED-E. That was awesome. When we entered the actually Silo, ED-E seemed scared and played another recording. It was about how someone named Dr. Grant invaded Dr. Whitley's - this ED-E's creator - lab to experiment on ED-E, by order of someone named Colonel Autumn. The whole thing was to show how much Whitney cared for ED-E, because he actually cared that ED-E's damage sensors were online when Grant did the experiment, making it "hurt" for ED-E. I was starting to feel bad for him.

After exiting the silo-itself area we reached a room with two skinned corpses in armor, one of them brutally killed, impaled on rebar. Ahead there were a couple more of those skinned cropses. They were very weird though, three of them had armor that resembled the NCR while the other had Legion armor - one of those I found more ahead. But the room had signs that both corpses had fought side to side against a robot, so I did not understand, Another question was why were they skinned if they had their armors on?

I finally reached a door that had tagged in graphiti "You can go home, Courier", like in the Canyon Wreckage. When we crossed those doors someone started talking to me through ED-E. That voice... Chilling, had me scared just from listening. It was him, the Courier. He knew I worked for Mr. House and told me that the sight before me was what awaited New Vegas and its "Old World ghosts" (refering to Mr. House). I tried to answer accordingly, telling him he should be afraid of me and Mr. House, but all that came out of my mouth was the question of who he was. I couldn't live with the mystery anymore. He said he was Courier Six, like me. Said he was like me in many ways and not like me in many ways either. Told me he had searched for me for long years. That I was hard to kill, survived storms, bullets. He let the oportunity for the Platinum Chip job pass on to me because he knew it would get me killed, but he was wrong. I told him I knew we had never spoke before, because a voice like that... I'd remember. He told me we only met by the roads we travelled. Never in person. He talked about The Divide being my home, because "Couriers can build societies" and a home is "not only the place you were born, but also the place you changed so much".

Avoiding the "home" topic, we talked a bit about The Divide. He told me it was all an old military base and the Silo I just went through, the missile in it, was a nuclear warheads. And there are many others around The Divide. He told me about those corpses I saw, which apparently were the new Divide inhabbitants that were NCR and Legion who had come here to fight at the same time the place all went to Hell. Now they fight side by side, feral, as the new inhabbitants. They were skinned by the "fires of the Divide" - the strong winds - and kept alive and strong by the radiation.

Finally I asked how was he speaking through ED-E. He told me he actually wanted me to find it as he used it as a radio to speak with me. So I told him that, after all the trouble he went through to find me, I was finally there and we could get on with it. He said I needed to destroy some of the warheads. Walk through the nightamares of America that the warheads and The Divide were. Only then I'd be able to speak to him. So I told I'd find the the triggers and that he was next.

So now I have a job to do, given by my personal hunter. I have a feeling this will be epic, either ending well for my said or his.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 54: Building up to this

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

I finally decided to get the substation powering up Mr. House wanted done. As soon as we exited The Strip Veronica noticed for the first time my star bottlecaps pocket. Remember me telling you about it? She didn't know what it was for, like me, but as soon as we counted them and she saw I had 50 she begged me to pass by the Sunset Sarsaparilla Headquarters, to see if it once had some prize or something.

Stupid idea right? That's what I thought too, but no.

We got there and besides some "feral" robots was a robo-greeter named Festus. He was a cowboy, in pretty bad shape, kind of creepy at first. But nice, overall. Like Victor. He responded to a determined list of commands listed by himself. He told me I could dump the star caps on a slot near him for him to count them, that I could ask for information on those bottlecaps or I could challenge him to some game. I didn't want to play any games nor did I want to waste my caps for nothing, so I said "Star Info". He told me that if I had "enough" star caps I'd win a prize. That didn't convince me at first, but Veronica told me to go for it, I had nothing to lose.

I deposited the stars and the robot did an animation like it was all happy, saying I had done it. My prize? Yeah, I got a little sad at first, while Veronica laughed at me: the robot started telling me the "true story" behind Sunset Sarsaparilla... It was kind of a legend, a nice story, in fact, but still I couldn't help asking if that was it. He told me that the company had received many complaints about that prize, so there was another prize waiting for me inside the factory. Only the path Festus indicated was blocked, so I had to snoop around.

Finally I found it, down a whole. The place smelled terribly. I quickly found out why, there was a dead guy in the corner. The place was also full of caps and fake deputy badges, but near the body was a holotape. I plugged it into the Pip-Boy and listened to it. Turned out the guy murdered and stole (from) people to get all the fifty caps. In the end it was him saying he got what was coming to him. Wishing he stayed home, taking care of his mother, who always had taught him well and in the end it turned out like it did. Asfixiation with his prize all around him. A valuable lesson.

So then it was, indeed, time to do what Mr. House asked. We walked all the way to El Dorado Dry Lake, to reach the substation. The place reminded me of Vault 11. I just had shivers writting it down.

Mr. House warned me the NCR runned the place. When I got there I was so happy that I was finally going to get the chance to kill these bastards. So when a guy came running towards me saying (RUDELY!) that there was going to be trouble if I went in the control room, I gladly punched his face out of existence.

I left a nice, good path of destruction. I don't think Veronica appreciated my loss of control. But hey, I didn't open up to her completely about you and all they did to me, so she doesn't understand. I inserted the Platinum Chip in the Power Station and powered it for Mr. House.

The plan was to go back to Mr. House, but as soon as I left the power station my Pip-Boy started jamming and working on itself. When it finally stopped, it had coordinates marked on the map. So it is time. I knew instantly what it was.

It all built up to this. The Courier Five who passed on the oportunity to carry the Platinum Chip as soon as he saw my name. The Courier who was hired by Caesar himself to assassinate Joshua Graham. The Courier who had visited the Big MT, saving Christine and giving her a message to deliver me, while at the same time manipulating Elijah into recruiting me for his dirty job in Sierra Madre. And now I know where to find him.

I sent ED-E and Veronica to the Lucky 38. This is a road I need to walk alone.

I went to Primm, as the coordinates lead somewhere near the place. Then, at the coordinates, I found a wreckage with a message for me. It said "Courier Six", told me I could go home, to The Divide. Walk the Lonesome Road, by his own words.

My heart is beating fast.

Love you,

Bill

Entry 53: Deathclaw Promontory

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

We (and by "We" I mean "I while Veronica tried to talk me out of it") thought about a way to get to the Promontory. It was inevitable that we passed through Cottonwood Cove, Legion territory. As The Legion learned I was working with Mr. House, they did not accept it so well as the NCr (because, you know, they are true warriors and not dumbass pussies), so we knew we had to go ready for a fight.

So we decided to go for it. We chose a hill from where we'd start and me and ED-E starting shooting at them with all we had, while continuesly going down the hill. Once we were down there I put Salt.Upon-Wounds' power fist on (you know, because he wanted to join the Legion and I'm such a poet) and me and Veronica started punching ass (see what I did there?).

After we killed everyone I found some slaves locked inside a cell. They had explosive collars, so I tried to set them free. Unfortunatly, I messed up my first try and the woman died. The other captives were her children. Shit. I... I didn't mean too... I swear... I mean, they weren't exactly children nor teenagers, but I still made them orphans... Like me... Fuck. FUCK.

So after that I made Veronica leave me and go back to base or something. I was going to face deathclaws and I didn't want her to have anything to do with that, after last time. She gladly (or so it seemed) understood and wished me luck, relunctantly.

After swimming upstream for a while I finally found it: a narrow path between two hills, on the other side of the river. I looked at ED-E - thinking if I should have brought him along and, at the same time, kind of asking him if he was ready -, took a deep breath and then put on the armor's helmet - which was kind of ugly too, but at the time I thought that it would, hopefully, do the job.

The fucking place... I don't think I'll ever be afraid of deathclaws again, because I ran out of fear from that place. One Alpha Male, two Mothers and like 15 "normal" ones. Jesus. I... I'd be dead.

But fortunatly, I have a story about friendship for you. You see, I was surrounded and already in pretty bad shape. Thank God I had that armor, or else... But even so, they were pounding and pounding at me, ignoring ED-E and his laser shots. Even though I took down a few, I was starting to be pounded around like a pinball, watching my life passing through my eyes. Groggy from the last hit, I faced the Alpha Male, ready to tear me apart with one blow. But then I hear a scream and see Pushy's magnificent blue shockwave glow, throwing the Alpha Male to hell (not literally, but it sounds good that way). Veronica had come back. For me. Even after what happened the last time we faced Deathclaws. She shook me up a little and I found my ballance. Then we went back to back, pounding and punching every one of those motherfuckers that came at us. We did it. We are the Deathclaw Promontory survivors. We owned those motherfuckers.

We made a happy way to our Suite, back the Lucky 38, where I now write you this, because of the woman who had the courage to venture alone a deathclaw home to save her friend. Her... friend... Who blew up her family's bunker... God, I have to talk to her.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 52: Roaming around

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

I needed to think to what I did to Veronica. And about Red Lucy and what (who) she reminded me off. So, as the last time I needed to think, I went South. Veronica wouldn't go to the Suite though, no matter how much I asked. I even reminded her of how my "thinking" trips can sometimes become dangerous, but she didn't care. Oh well, women.

Eventually we got past Nipton and the Drive-In, where the satellite that took me to Big MT was. But I just kept going.

Eventually I got to where I wanted. An observation deck that pointed to a place filled with feral ghouls. Feral creatures who no one will miss and I can kill at will? Just the thing to blow off steam.

Every pound I gave with Oh Baby reminded me of Mr. House and what I already had to do for a better future, for a better mankind, what I did to Veronica, killing all her family and friends and, more recently, almost getting her killed.

Every punch with Two-Steps-Goodbye reminded me of Benny and what he did to me and what would I do if I were in his shoes. I was a loose end. But still, he got too greedy and wanted all for himself, I am choosing what I know to be best for New Vegas, not what it's best for me.

Every shot with Christine's Rifle and the Light Shining in the Darkness reminded me of my adventures outside the Mojave and how they all built up to one person: Courier 5, my hunter. The man who refused Johnson Nash's work offer because he saw my name on the list. The man who was hired be Caesar to try and assassinate Joshua. The man who told Elijah about Sierra Madre and saved Christine from him, before I ever knew they existed. The man who was after me, with all the strength he had. The man who was controling my path.

The place turned out to be an old nuclear test site with a big crater behind a fence and that was probably why there were so many ghouls there. Felt good. We also found, near it, a crashed vertibird with a bigass energy weapon near it. Sweet.

Night started to fall and there was a town nearby, so we decided to go there. As we approached those weird feral ghouls in NCR armor started appearing. So I checked my map and we had already been close to that place.

Veronica remembered it to be Camp Searchlight, a once NCR base which was flooded by radiation by The Legion, killing or turning everyone stationed there into a ghoul. Damn. After killing some more NCR ferals we ran to the church where we found a basement door. There we decided the place was too much, none of us liked radiation and even though killing ferals is good for the health, that was not worth it. So we went south-er.

We found the Searchlight Airport, which was totally overrun by Radscorpions of all sizes. Then Veronica told me something she wishes she hadn't. She even covered her mouth after saying it. "This is like the Deathclaw Promontory, but with Radscorpions!". Of course, I made her tell me what was that "Deathclaw Promontory". Eventually she told me it was an only-talked-about place where it was said to be the living place of many, many deathclaws. Supposelly it was across the river, past Cottonwood Cove.

Looks like I'll have something to write you about soon.

Love you,
Bill

Entry 51: Dead memories

Hello mommy. Hello daddy.

I look so badass in that Remnant armor. It has kind of a weird design, but I got used to it.

I left Rex at the suite and took ED-E with me. Didn't want anything to happen to Rexie, since he wasn't even mine. Veronica, though she bugged me the entire way there that it was a stupid idea, didn't want me to take Lily instead of her. Maybe deep down she liked the challenge too. Or maybe she thinks she's the only one who can keep my crazyness in check. I dunno.

The mere entrance of the place had 5 deathclaws guarding it. Jesus Christ.

I was in pretty bad shape already after the first four deathclaws, who seemed to be waiting for someone to enter the God damned cave. These beast are fucking ruthless, I was probably wearing the toughest armor in the world and those claws still cut through and threw me around.

We found the mother there and ganged up on her. The bitch in the Quarry Junction was tougher, though. She was guarding the eggs so we had what we came in for. Veronica was releaved and told me to get out of there as fast as possible. But I told her I wanted to stay. You see, I'm afraid of these assholes. And what better way to face my fear than to litterally face my fear? Besides, a legend of a deathclaw? I had to check that out.

Wish I didn't. Wish I didn't...

We found him in one of the cave's areas, accompanied by two other deathclaws. Those we were able to lure out of that area and kill them but the other... The Legendary Deathclaw. He was so much bigger than all others. When we got back to the cave area he saw us and ran. Sliced through Veronica's armor like it was made of paper. I hesitated for a moment and he slammed me with his tail, knocking me to the ground, then headed to ED-E, which was shooting at him almost pointlessly. I got back on my feet and grabbed his tail. When his attention got towards me again I quickly picked Oh Baby up of the ground and tripped him, making him fall on his back. Then I climbed on to him and pounded and pounded and pounded and pounded, with all of my strength. He was so big...

I put Veronica on my back and got her out of there, running as fast as I could, trying to ignore fatigue and pain. Then tried to run all the way to Novac, which was like two miles long of a way. You may think it's nothing, but was wearing both power armor AND carrying a girl IN power armor. There I layed her on a table and screamed for the doctor. She was bleeding so much. I took of the armor before the doctor arrived, since she wouldn't know how to. It seemed like an eternity, me waiting for the doctor and looking at a nearly gutted Veronica.

Then she arrived and treated her. Fortunatly she was out more for the shock than the actual wound or pain. Still, it was really messy. I apologised to Veronica. She looked at me and smiled. She knew I don't apologise very often. We stayed for half a day and then she told me she was feeling well to walk.

We went to The Thorn, at her own pace. No rush. Then I talked to Red Lucy, all bloody in my face and armor. She seemed to enjoy the sight. And she enjoyed it even more when I grabbed the eggs and gave them to her. She told me I had become the greatest hunter she had ever seen and gave an unique shotgun she had, Dinner Bell. Then she told me to follow her. Alone. I looked at Veronica, worried. I didn't want to leave her alone. But she looked at me and winked, making a gesture to go on. At the time I didn't realise why she winked.

So innocent, your son.

She took me to a room with a mood light and a queen sized bed. She walked up to the bed and undressed, standing there, bare naked, looking at me with a smile. She layed on the bed and asked me to join her with her finger. I... I didn't know what to do. I know I told you some time ago that I'd be looking for company, but you know damn well that's bullshit. I know I haven't talked about her for a long time, but you know I had the love of my life. I had her, I lost her for years and years, while I roamed the wasteland with you guys and, then, alone, then I had her again and, after our first night finally together, full of love and making up for lost time, I find her laying dead and raped after coming out of scavenging. The bastards who did it, petty raiders, were still there, cocks hanging around. Those were my first kills. Three of them, with my own bare fists, punching all of them with all the anger of the world, tears streaming down my face. I know I hadn't talked about her for a long time, I know. But I... I had to justify this beautiful, beautiful woman laying in a bed waiting for me... And I just said "sorry" and walked away.

She could have been one hell of a lover. Hell, I bet she would be. I just couldn't go on with it. When I left the room Veronica saw my face and asked me what happened, I just told her that we had to get out of that place.

So that's my story for today. I've spoken too much anyway.

Love you,
Bill

PS: I should start writting to her too...